There are clear indications that a person is not a foodie. Many of these are made clear when food is discussed and the bar is set so low that merely having the food show up to the table warm is cause for celebration. 3 signs you are NOT a foodie.

1. Of all the options, a decision is actually made to go to Denny’s.
2. If anything served reminds you of a relative and the way they smelled. Or was it the way their food smelled? Hard to say.
3. If you find a 3^rdrate chain restaurant located in a strip mall atmospheric.

Now, no matter how mediocre a place may be there can be reasons to show up on occasion. This part of this post is called finding the silver lining. 3 reasons to actually go to Denny’s.

1. You are hung-over. Not the kind of hangover that requires a nice brunch and a couple of hair of the dog BM’s (bloody Mary). The kind of hangover where you forgot 87 minutes of the previous night and you say out loud that you wish you were dead. The kind of hangover that causes physical and emotional pain to strangers in your near vicinity. Denny’s will provide the greasy food that is required and the atmosphere that tells you that you are a failure in life and you need to seriously re-examine your direction.
2. A friend has just left their abusive spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend and they need a safe public place to meet with someone and have a pot of coffee. Denny’s will provide the public space, the coffee, and there is a decent chance that a member of the law enforcement community will be installed in a booth at that very time. This way a report can be taken without an extra stop.
3. You have been kidnapped and after three weeks rotting away naked in someone’s basement you are finally released. Wearing only an old Army blanket you are dumped without ceremony in a parking lot in the beautiful southern corridor of Montrose, Colorado. Starving, the first thing you see is the dull yellow glare of the Denny’s side. You make a beeline, walk inside, and our greeted with a folksy as fuck, “Evening honey, how many will there be tonight?”

Providing a review of Denny’s is like providing a review for a local band doing a cover of “FREEBIRD!”….not worth it because everybody knows what to expect. One other thing, as a nation we need to get past prices that end in .99. Is anybody still so stupid that they think a smoking deal is happening because an item is priced at $9.99? “Stan, would you look at this. I can get 3 pancakes, 4 eggs, a slab of ham, 4 slices of bacon, 5 link sausages, 6 pieces of toast, and a dried up piece of honeydew melon for less than $10! We can now make that extra tithe to the church.”

Denny’s, it is exists. Sometimes that is a good thing; most often it is a tragedy.