There is a theme here. Could it be…..QUIET!!

When the lights go down, the green preview screen shows up, the movie has started. At this point, all talking should come to a screeching halt.

You are not in your own home. Don’t talk to the screen; don’t engage in a running dialogue. Sit still and be quiet. You may say you paid the same money like everybody else, but most people paid money to hear the movie, not you.

The movie theatre is not a place for babysitting. Nobody wants to listen to a crying baby, the hum of a breast pump, negotiating with your spouse. Get a sitter or don’t come.

Whispering is just as loud or even loud that talking in a normal voice. Whispering is not being quiet. SHUT….UP.

Right before the movie starts there is an obvious reminder to mute or turn off your phone. You know who can see your bright screen during a movie? Everybody. Even those in front of you. Put it away for the duration.

Don’t chew with your mouth. Put that popcorn or nacho in your pie hole, clothes the lips together, and chew like you were eating in front of your current political hero. Nobody wants to hear you chew your cud.

Don’t bring your own food. If you can’t afford a $2.00 candy, $4.00 popcorn, and a $2.50 drink you can’t afford to come to the movie. Stay at home and save your pennies. The sounds of a soda can being opened during a movie? OBVIOUS.

Arrive on time. Your cries of “excuse me, sorry, excuse me” while you are trying to get to a middle seat is distracting and annoying. Arrive on time like an adult.

NO PARENTING! Nobody wants to hear you tell your kid to “not watch”, “cover your eyes”, “Oh god don’t look.” Nobody wants to hear parenting, the answering of questions, and instructions on opening a juice box. Yes, you brought that from home didn’t you?

BE QUIET! It’s not that difficult. Sit down, open your crunchy candy before the lights go down, turn your phone off, and sit still and watch the movie. You can do it.