There are clear indications that a person is not a foodie. Many of these are made clear when food is discussed and the bar is set so low that merely having the food show up to the table warm is cause for celebration. 3 signs you are NOT a foodie.

1. Of all the options, a decision is actually made to go to Denny’s.
2. If anything served reminds you of a relative and the way they smelled. Or was it the way their food smelled? Hard to say.
3. If you find a 3^rdrate chain restaurant located in a strip mall atmospheric.

Now, no matter how mediocre a place may be there can be reasons to show up on occasion. This part of this post is called finding the silver lining. 3 reasons to actually go to Denny’s.

1. You are hung-over. Not the kind of hangover that requires a nice brunch and a couple of hair of the dog BM’s (bloody Mary). The kind of hangover where you forgot 87 minutes of the previous night and you say out loud that you wish you were dead. The kind of hangover that causes physical and emotional pain to strangers in your near vicinity. Denny’s will provide the greasy food that is required and the atmosphere that tells you that you are a failure in life and you need to seriously re-examine your direction.
2. A friend has just left their abusive spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend and they need a safe public place to meet with someone and have a pot of coffee. Denny’s will provide the public space, the coffee, and there is a decent chance that a member of the law enforcement community will be installed in a booth at that very time. This way a report can be taken without an extra stop.
3. You have been kidnapped and after three weeks rotting away naked in someone’s basement you are finally released. Wearing only an old Army blanket you are dumped without ceremony in a parking lot in the beautiful southern corridor of Montrose, Colorado. Starving, the first thing you see is the dull yellow glare of the Denny’s side. You make a beeline, walk inside, and our greeted with a folksy as fuck, “Evening honey, how many will there be tonight?”

Providing a review of Denny’s is like providing a review for a local band doing a cover of “FREEBIRD!”….not worth it because everybody knows what to expect. One other thing, as a nation we need to get past prices that end in .99. Is anybody still so stupid that they think a smoking deal is happening because an item is priced at $9.99? “Stan, would you look at this. I can get 3 pancakes, 4 eggs, a slab of ham, 4 slices of bacon, 5 link sausages, 6 pieces of toast, and a dried up piece of honeydew melon for less than $10! We can now make that extra tithe to the church.”

Denny’s, it is exists. Sometimes that is a good thing; most often it is a tragedy.

Even middle age adults who come to a movie because they likely enjoy films and take them a bit seriously, are completely incapable of going into the auditorium, finding a seat, sitting down, and shutting the fuck up. This demographic still thinks they are in their own living room and feel the need to make comments in something resembling a normal speaking voice. Guess what? When the lights go down and the green preview screen shows up, the movie has started. The unwashed masses make the argument that they paid $7 just like everybody else, they should be able to talk as desired. No. You fucking cannot do that at all. Other people paid $7 to listen and enjoy the movie and not listen to you make some poorly thought out comment at the talking picture show. Quit farting around, chew with your mouth closed, stop digging in your bag, and stop with the hard candy unwrapping. Be an adult, be aware of your surroundings, stop being selfish, and shut the fuck up when you are at a movie.

You might think that the above rant would have made its point and things could just move forward. Nope. There is more that needs to be said. A scene of the English countryside appears on the screen. It is not necessary to say to your friend, “That looks just like a place I went to when I was over there.” Was that really necessary? No, it was not. Your friend/date/wife/mistress cares NOTHING about what you just said and either do the 23 people who are close enough to hear your profound thought. In addition, you make think you are slick and cool by whispering. The loudest thing in a dark movie theatre is some jack-hole whispering. Another statement that nobody needs to hear EVER, “That couldn’t happen in real life you know.” Are you telling me that a mild mannered Nuclear Physicist who turns green and spurts forth with a full body growth expansion when he gets angry really cannot stop a full loaded passenger training on the spot with merely a punch? Come on Brad, take that back, of course that could really happen. Thanks for the insight to all things possible you fucking mental midget.

Evidence of the dumbing down of American is never more clear and present than hearing people talk during a movie. Too many are physically and mentally incapable of sitting still and being silent. It is time that the hive mind turns away from the lowest common denominator and taking the easy route and turning towards being comfortable with silence and with paying attention beyond 30 seconds.

Academic/Intellectual/Liberal Elite Worldwide Games

Held in odd numbered years every 2 years. Why not every 4 years? Innovation, knowledge, and advancements in technology move fast.

A special ceremony will be held when the year of the games is a prime number.

The opening celebration will be a tip of the hat to the history of academics and the pursuit of knowledge. Native costumes? Nope. A parade of academic regalia from around the world. There will always be a special nod to the short-sleeved white dress shirt with a black pocket protector.

The flame that is fired up during the opening ceremonies will be in the shape of a Bunsen burner.

Katie Couric will NOT HOST! (Fuck she is annoying) Bob Costas of course is always welcome.

There will be a parade of nations that is required of the participants. However, they are welcome to march while reading a book or staring into an electronic device of their choice.

By mutual agreement there will be no children’s choirs or any group of children trying to tell the story of the host nation. None.

The delegates in the skybox will be the Nobel Prize winners from the year of the games. They may bring guests, but only other Nobel Prize winners.

Competition categories: Mathematics, Physics, Chemistry, Computer Science, Artificial Intelligence, Robotics, Biology, Genetics, Immunology, Molecular Biology, Parasitology, Virology, Epidemiology, Medicine/Surgery, English Literature, Musicology, Political Theory, Debate, Geology, Geography, Classics, Creative Writing, Gaming (video, RPG, and board) etc. Subcategories beneath each major category.

Instead of medals to the top 5 finishers….yes….top 5…..research grant funding will be awarded.

Sponsors: Apple, Google, Magic Leap, GE, Microsoft, Trojan condoms, Amazon, US Robotics, Cal Tech, MIT, Harvard, Princeton, KY Jelly, Yale, Brown, Johns Hopkins, Colorado School of Mines, Harvey Mudd College, University of Colorado, Dartmouth, SpaceX (Tesla, Solar City), Blue Origins, Sony gaming division, anything Atari can scrounge up. You get the idea.

A very basic framework………

Magic has planted its roots just off Main Street in Montrose, Colorado. This is not new magic but old magic that has existed, obvious only at a superficial level, for 89 years. 1929 was the opening and it was a huge event. The magical place is the Fox Theatre with a Middle East motif that was done in a time when that location was full of mystery and exoticism and not war and strife. Walking into the theatre is like taking a walk through a portal to a different time. Sure, there are some modern amenities but if you take a moment and look at the floor you will see tile from a different time and attention to detail that makes one wonder who the Craftsman was that was in charge of putting down this tile so long ago. The roof of the building has a tall minaret and an onion dome that goes beyond iconic. How many who come to the Fox actually look up observe what perches on the roof. For decades the main floor is all that there was and it was plenty. It was and is a gateway to the world of movies, film, and the nostalgic days of cinema. Velvet curtains cover the opening to both lower theatres and the smell of popcorn permeates every inch of the place. Just below the smell of popcorn and butter is an old smell that is not musty or concerning. It is the smell of history and the presence of hundreds of thousand of people over the years.

A place like this has history and memories attached to the walls, floors, and seats. Bringing memories alive requires someone who has experienced different events within the theatre walls over the year. As a local, a few memories must be shared. They stick in the mind not so much because of what occurred but because where they occurred. One of the first memories attached to the Fox is standing outside in a huge line waiting to get tickets for Star Wars in May 1977. The first time cuing up for tickets and be willing to wait until the end of time to get those tickets is a sticky memory. A group of friends at the theatre with only one adult in charge. Ralph Files tried to get a group of us, including his son Craig, into the theatre to see Porky’s. This was an R-rated movie and apparently he could not act as parent/guardian for all of us and admission was denied. Thank you to Ralph for making the attempt. A school trip from Johnson Elementary School, the second Johnson School on San Juan and S. 5^th Street. The date was sometime in April 1980 so this would have been at the end of 4^th grade (Navajo unit!) and the class walked from the school to a special matinee showing of Private Eyes with Tim Conway and Don Knotts. The larger of the two theatres, right hand side, 3^rd row from the front, 2 seats on the aisle. Sitting next to Angela McCormick and about halfway through the movie she reached over and grabbed my hand. Angela freaking McCormick and she mad the move. Let’s be clear on that one detail. To this day I cannot see a reference to that movie and see those 3^rd row seats on the aisle without thinking of that experience.

The owner of the theatre back in the 70’s and 80’s was a flamboyant man by the first name of Stan. I cannot remember his last name but I’m pretty sure his daughter Merilee still works at the theatre and is married to Mike, the nice guy most often seen at the San Juan Theatre on East Main. Stan was a bit scary because I always thought he was in the mafia. He had a huge diamond ring on his right pinky finger and he was intimidating. During the run of King Kong (1976) with Kurt Russell and Jessica Lange, he gave me the movie poster out of the glass case in front of the theatre. Oh what I would give if I still had that poster. At the end of the run he called my and told him to bring “Robby” down to the theatre. He walked me out front, unlocked the display case, rolled up the poster, and placed it into my 6-year old hands. I’m pretty sure I wasn’t able to close my gaping mouth for several days, not until the feeling of pure joy subsided,

For many years the construction of the new upstairs Penthouse Theatre was being planned and under construction. It finally opened and the first movie I remember seeing in The Penthouse was….I think….Private Benjamin with Goldie Hawn. There were two ways to get up to The Penthouse, stairs to the left as you go into the doors, and a two level ramp to the right. At the top of the first level is a ramp is a little kiosk where you purchase your tickets. A sign is still on the wall that says, “Checks accepted with check guarantee card only”…not really sure what that is but nostalgia reigns supreme. ¾ of the way up the second ramp, as you glance up to your right, is a poster of a topless woman, perhaps from the 1920’s or 1930’s. To a young boy, seeing something such as this was a special moment indeed. That poster is still there and is sometimes covered (why I don’t know) when certain movies are playing in The Penthouse. There is a small third ramp that goes up towards the restrooms. Outside of the restrooms is a velvet couch. The place absolutely wreaks of old school Hollywood and the posters on the wall of Laurel and Hardy, Mae West, among others pay homage to this time and place. During the run of 9 to 5 with Jane Fonda, Dolly Parton, and Lily Tomlin I remember having to be taken home early because the fulminating case of pneumonia that had been festering for days had finally taken a firm grip and things were very, very bad.

Going to this place of magic and wonder never gets old. It is my most favorite place in town and is an absolute mecca for movie lovers of all ages.

Tips and suggestions for the Thanksgiving holiday.

Three words: Politics, sex, and religion. These are the three topics that should be most discussed at any family holiday gathering. The best way to get things started is to use the following opening, “Despite your delusions…”, things should move forward nicely from that point. For your Trump loving relatives ask them how they would justify misogyny, bigotry, ignorance, hatred, and narcissism to any grandchildren that may be in the room. If no grandchildren ask them how they condone such horrible stuff with a straight face. Calling someone racist is OK if signs of racism are apparent. Switch to policy…net neutrality, tax reform, immigration, and the environment. Request sources for all “facts” offered in support of their argument. If someone cries or you are asked to leave the premises without dessert you know you have touched on something that they cannot defend. Rejoice in the freedom and the fresh air.

The next approved topic of discussion is sex. Go deep on this one and avoid “safe sex” questions like, “Ah, tell me again about your first date with Mom!” No…that is not how this is done. Ask someone at random, while the gravy is being passed, to tell you about how and where he or she lost his or her virginity. Ask your Grandmother if she ever experimented with another woman and if so how did she like it? Ask Dad or Grandpa if during that time they spent in Paris did they ever get their freak on with a threesome or more after a night at the Moulin Rouge. This will so to speak get the juices flowing. If this becomes too much and blushing occurs then stay the course with a discussion of sex toys. Scorpions, rabbits, vibrators, rings, dildos, and the pros and cons of various lubes. Astroglide or KY? Discuss. If a discussion sparks and continues then yay for family time!

We come to the final part of the holy trinity of family holiday discussion topics. Religion. “Grandpa, how can you believe in a God that allows children to be ravaged and eventually tie from brain cancer?” “Mom, did you know the cross around your neck is actually a torture device? You don’t see me wearing a Chinese Iron Maiden around my neck do you?” If this does not work state in loud and clear words that you think pushing religion on children is child abuse. Just see what happens. Fun for the entire family.

If you make it to the post feed football game you know you either caved and did not bring up any of these topics or that your family is actually able to have a conversation about controversial topics. If this is the case, you are very fortunate indeed to be surrounded by people that prefer to discuss instead of finding a safe zone.

Clarity in thinking seems to happen during these hours and the brain is firing on all cylinders. Outlines for books and ways to optimize time at work simply pop into focus and present themselves like a 1980’s porn star. Solutions and ideas are all over the place for no apparent reason and the brain must split itself into different sections in order to keep track of it all. The best thing to happen at this point is to get out of bed and began to write things down before they disappear in a puff of smoke. But no, the horizontal position of being slabbed out in bed and the ideas and solutions escape because of the concern that if you get up you will not get back to sleep. You are already awake and will not be getting back to sleep anytime soon but not moving and not taking action still seems like the best idea. Some will say to keep a piece of paper and a pen by the bed so that these things can be captured in the moment. This will not work because there needs to be a connection between moving and then writing down the ideas and solutions. Staying in bed would diminish this process in some way. Interesting is too weak a word to describe what it would be like to have all of these ideas written down in one place as they occur.

Progress, innovation, and the pushing of boundaries and the so-called “envelope” do not simply happen between the socially approved hours of 8a-5p. The click clack of a time clock is not the sound of progress but the sound of conformity and obligation. 8a-5p or 3p-11p or whatever the schedule is a symbol of financial need and responsibility. Ask Innovators when they came up with their best ideas and I doubt any would say that the idea sparked as they were sitting in a flourescent illuminated break room while eating a Hot Pocket at 1233p. I believe that everybody has 2-3 hours/day where they are able to think at a different level that at any other time. This is where solutions can be found and it is only a matter of channeling this thinking into something tangible.

Boredom is for people who have no imagination and few if any real interests. Boredom is for people who find entertainment in reality TV and who think a round of golf is something write home about. People that say they are bored have never opened a book and were likely never taught to think for themselves. Worlds both real and imaginative exist within our own heads and we can go anywhere and do anything simply by conjuring it up within our own imagination. Sitting and staring at a brick wall is only boring if you refuse to detach yourself from your current reality.

There is that demographic group that says, “I’m not sure what I would do with myself if I retired.” When I hear someone say something this ridiculous and stupid my first response wants to be a well placed “fuck you” and a hard roll of the eyes. The opportunity for massive amounts of free time should be seen as a gift and not something that is to be approached with dread. So many of this people find sweet relief from the boredom of retirement by raising their grandchildren. This seems to be the new trend as so many have kids at points in their lives when they could best be described as a “shitshow” and think making a human will make things better. Nope, you’re still a nitwit and now Grammy Sweets must raise your children. Nice work.

Thinking about this topic made me realize for about the 22nd time that I could spend a year on any of the following topics and never find boredom. This is a full year 8-hours a day on each of these topics. Building LEGO, learning Latin, playing video games, reading, writing/journaling, researching and watching movies, exploring the depths of NETFLIX, becoming proficient in chess, exploring and playing boardgames, becoming competent in high level mathematics while somehow skipping Algebra, going back to school and earning a Ph.D., practicing and writing music (including learning piano works by J.S. Bach), volunteering in the name of opera/chamber/classical music, literacy, and animals, exploring Paris on foot, and on and on and on. Boredom only exists because a person makes it exist in their world.

You would think that in late 2017, those that work in retail/grocery would not have an aneurysm each time you want to use your own bags. They look at your bags like you just dropped a pile of alien poop on their scanner and the checkout process seems to grind to a halt. Looking up, they want to beg you to just let them use their bags so the confusion will stop. Knowing that it won’t happen, they pick up the first bag like its a wet diaper and hold it out and some strange angle. They scan and then fight like hell to find the bag opening to put something inside. With growing frustration you tell them there is a loop and they can put the bag down. This only makes things worse and they continue to struggle. You know for a fact that you are not the first person to ever bring their own bags into a Target store. This is definitely something that should be covered in the 8-hours of initial training that you know they receive.

The location is isolated only in the sense that few people know of its location. It sits within a major metropolitan area as its occupants would not abide by mountainous or countryside isolation. The monks within the walls of this monastery do live there under vows but not of the religious kind. These are vows to live a life in pursuit of knowledge. Learning, researching, writing, conversing, and stretching the boundaries of what is currently known is the only religion within these walls. By default, certainly not by any plan, the Monks in this monastery are by nature introverts and are very comfortable not saying a word to somebody sitting right next to them. They are more comfortable with a book or pen in their hand than they are forcing small talk. Nothing puts the fear of Galileo into their hearts faster than the prospect of talking about other people…with another person.

Think of all the building facades you see when you are in a city. Basic, ordinary, and nothing that sticks within your memory for any extended period of time. Hundreds of people walk by on a daily basis and think nothing of what is behind the doors and windows of the building mere feet from where they walk. It is within one of these buildings that the 37 occupants of the monastery reside, study, write, and exist. Their backgrounds are diverse and range from Poet to Physicist to Plastic Surgeon. All with successful careers, they came to the monastery just as their sanity was stretched to its limits and each day was a fight against the tide simply losing their shit. Now, when these people lose it nobody gets hurt and nothing ends up in the newspapers. Losing it to these monks meant that began talking to themselves more and more, sought out opportunities to be alone working on a project, and found great comfort in a dark room, fan blowing nearby, surrounded by books and the sweet sight of a flat screen TV. They never got to the point where they could not function, they simply had run out of gas and the thought of not function at a “normal” level was not only comforting but also amusing to their slightly damage psyches.

The individual rooms are small but have all of the necessities that one must have in order to function as a civilized human. A few of these items include GB/second wi-fi speed, dial a number single mattresses, a fan or fans of your choice, floor to ceiling bookcases, easy access to fresh cold water, minimum 42″ TV, computer arrangement of your choice, ergonomic chairs, a small refrigerator, 2 gas burners for random ramen incidents, proper pillows, multiple USB and electric outlets, a charging station, a wardrobe for clothes/shoes, a basic chest of drawers for other basics, space to store LEGOs (they aren’t animals) a bed for a dog (S, M, L, XL), gaming console(s) of your choice, and a desk just for writing. The minimum basics. Common areas are for cooking and for dining and done in the style of Oxford, Cambridge, or meal time at Hogwarts. Long tables and long benches. Menus are developed weekly and there is enough variety to please any palate. Ingredients are locally acquired except in the cases where local is just not good enough. Attempts are made to be pleasing and responsible residents of the city but let’s be honest, a ton of stuff is ordered directly from Amazon. 1-click purchasing. In tune with the civilized nature of the monastery.

There are two residents who like to garden (can you imagine?) so there is a garden on site, likely on the roof. When playing in the dirt, the Monks look like any other inner city gardener digging and hoeing on a rooftop. Those looking down on the scene from the windows of the surrounding building see nothing out of the ordinary and certainly do not think they are staring down at a couple of Monks. The others would rather be inside doing what they came there to do; read, study, converse (about ideas), and write on the plentiful number of old-fashioned blackboards with real chalk. Now, you are thinking Monks and monastery so this must be a bunch of men. No. A sausage party this is not and women are welcome to be part of the monastery. Requirements for entry are the same for all and will vary depending on the political climate, needs of the monastery, and any other variables that may need to be added. The one requirement that will not be compromised is that all those who enter must not have a criminal record of any sort. Drama, issues, problems, only take away from the common goal.

I want to be immortal. All of the arguments against immortality seem to be weak and poorly thought out. The most common is “I do not want to watch everybody I know die and be left alone.” Well boo fucking hoo. You will meet new people and move forward nicely. This argument really has no impact on me and it is easily brushed off like a speck of lint off the front of a shirt. Now that that little issue is out of the way the question of how to become immortal lingers. I see only two options.

Biomedical engineering seems to be the best and most practical options. Nanotechnology and nanobots would have to be involved in some way. Injected into your body they would seek out all things that make you sick and most importantly, the cell degeneration that comes with aging. Some amazing genius somewhere will figure out a way to make this happen and the aging process will simply stop and immortality will be available to all who seek it out. I know I would be in line with my pants already dropped, ass cheeks bared, waiting for this magical injection. No second thoughts and no hesitation.

The second option for becoming immortal is to being bitten by a Vampire. Although not as practical or possible as biomedical engineering, certainly a lot more intriguing and exciting. If presented with the opportunity to be bitten by a vampire, feel like asswater for about 3 days, and then become immortal, I would look the vampire in the eyes and say “bite me right fucking now you sexy sexy beast.” Biomedical engineering also comes into play with a vampire because it would be how a supply of blood would be found to keep alive and well. The needed product would be produced in a lab and would be in plentiful supply. Best option is to find a Biomedical Engineer who is also a Vampire. Will there be a need to stay out of the sun? Nope. Modern Vampires can be out in the sun like normal people. That is just the way it is.

Some people want to be a frozen when they day and stay in a cryogenic state until the point where a cure for whatever killed them is found. This to me sounds like the pussy way out. Cryogenics should be reserved for interstellar space travel. More on that later.

Yes. A lot of thought has gone into this topic and there is no question that if given the chance I would choose to be immortal.